If, like me, you’re desperately trying to claw your way back to some healthy eating habits after a season of indulgence, then you might want to look away now. For the world’s first cheese hotel is opening in the heart of Camden on January 29th, offering cheese fiends the chance to spend a night in the hotel of their dreams (dreams which will be extremely vivid if you scoff all that cheese, of course).

Much like a strong-smelling Stilton, the cheese hotel doesn’t exactly do subtle. The room is an eye-catching shade of yellow, which encompasses cheese-themed wallpaper, bedding, cushions, artwork, and giant cheese installations. There’s even more cheesiness beyond the decor, with cheese boardgames (it’ll be an absolute travesty if they don’t have Mousetrap) and cheese soap, which I’m frankly not sold on.

The whole effect will of course give you a hankering for cheese, so handily you’ll be able to dial a “cheese hotline” that’ll immediately furnish you with cheese and crackers. As the cheese hotel is being run be Café Rouge (in a bid to hype up their winter menu), you’ll also get a free meal from a branch of your choice, since humanity cannot live on cheese and crackers alone (yet). Essentially, everything here is free, although you can choose to make a donation to The Prince’s Trust upon checking out.

There are, naturally, a couple of catches. The first is that the cheese hotel is in town for one week only, from January 29th until February 6th, and the second is that only nine winners and their plus ones will be selected to stay the night. To enter, you’ll need to email [email protected]caferouge.co.uk and register your interest, with the dates allocated at random. So, clear your schedule, get entering, and may the gods of cheese smile upon your fortune…