Many are those who suffer in silence. Many have been through it but have never told their story. Some have survived through it, others are still entrapped. Personal experience has taught me that women need to stand up for their right to be loved without being hurt…

At the beginning of your love story he seemed like the perfect man: a true prince charming. Then, with the passage of time you realise that something is wrong with him: try to control you in everything you do and do not miss an opportunity to belittle you. For him you’re never enough: not pretty enough, smart enough, bright enough and so on.

If you can see yourself in this… Beware! You may have to do with an affective manipulator, a person who always puts himself at the center of the universe and manages to have more influence on your life than you would like. And I know where this ends up… You start believing him, everything starts becoming your fault because you’re not good enough. You start to believe that you deserve the treatment you are being given and give up on yourself…

“It is usually a person very focused on their needs. In a relationship he tries in every way to have absolute power over the other playing on frailties,” explains Dr. Roberta Bruzzone, forensic psychologist and investigative criminologist. “His favorite ‘victims’ usually have a fragile personality: they tend, for example, to delegate to others the decisions of their own life and have low self-esteem,” says the expert.

woman leaning on bedHOW TO RECOGNIZE A MANIPULATOR

There are some unequivocal signs to understand that you are dealing with an affective manipulator. The first aspect to focus on is the discrepancy between what he says and what he does. Another aspect that unites all the emotional manipulators is the desire to know every detail of the life of the other. Often they subject the partner to exhausting interrogations, in particular on the painful events of their life to be able to grasp their weaknesses and gain absolute control. The affective manipulator is someone who does not take upon himself the responsibility of his own actions: he tends, for example, to always blame his own mistakes on others.

WHAT IS HIDDEN IN HIS MIND

He simply hides the desire to destroy the other to make up for his shortcomings and inadequacies, elements that distinguish him. The central core of a personality of this type is of a depressive type. Everything that the affective manipulator does derives from the anguish of feeling inferior to the other.

IS ONE BORN A MANIPULATOR?

“No emotional manipulators are born, but one becomes one. Usually it’s because one of his parents was or because he lived with dysfunctional parental models, or too demanding or inconsistent without discipline and sense of responsibility,” says Dr. Roberta Bruzzone.

HOW TO DISMISS IT

“If in a the start of a relationship a person manifests himself as being perfect, full of attention and compliments even for the most banal things, very romantic and always agrees with you… attention! That is could easily be a person who is about to manipulate us. In a healthy relationship it is impossible to get along with everything. Another aspect that can be an alarm bell is the fact that he does not take responsibility for his own actions and tends to download it to others,” says the expert.

If any of this feels familiar, and you are afraid to make a move and to stir away from such a relationship, we urge you to seek help. It will only get worse by time!